The other day I was telling someone about how I’ve become friends with an ex and that it’s the most relaxed and easy friendship I have right now.  He pointed out that it’s probably because he’s not trying to jump my bones.  And I think he’s right.

This has led me to analyze every opposite sex relationship in my life over the past few days.  The conclusion that I’ve come to is that girls can be friends with guys, but guys cannot be friends with girls unless they have already slept with them and it didn’t work out.  There are always exceptions, but I’d say about 90% of the time this is true.  My reasoning for this is that every guy that I consider a relatively good friend has come on to me at some point.  Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s blatant, sometimes it catches me totally off guard.  And that’s when it goes from simple to awkward.

I don’t know how to politely say, “I just want to be friends,” when I know what will come out is, “What the shit are you doing?!”  So what do I do instead?  Avoid them like the plague.  I get busy and don’t have time to see them for awhile.  Does this solve the problem?  Doubtful.  But then when I DO see them again, I make sure it’s not too late in the evening and not too many drinks will be had.  And public places are always good, though sometimes don’t make a difference depending on the guy.

What I don’t understand is where these guys are coming from.  Are they just looking to get laid?  Is it like, “Hey, you’re my friend.  Let’s see if we can’t get a little more out of this!”  In that case, I can see their point.  It’s not a new philosophy that a guy thinks with his penis (can’t wait for the spam comments for Viagra to come flowing through now that I’ve written ‘penis’ …twice).  However, I don’t think that’s really it judging from the text messages/phone calls/emails/facebook messages that come flowing through.

This leads me to think either one of two things.  The first is that they think I’m coming onto them.  Ok.  I’ve been told that I am flirtatious in nature.  I even got ‘Coquetita’ as an award on a trip to Costa Rica my senior year of high school (translates as ‘Little Flirt’).  But I really just like to hear what people have to say; where they’ve been, where they’re going, what they’re thinking.  I don’t have any ulterior motives; I like to get to know people.  If I can’t stand you, it’s hard for me to fake it.

Number 2, however, boggles my mind and disturbs me a bit more: a false sense of chemistry.  When I meet a guy, I know within the first ten minutes if I would date him.  And this isn’t some superficial thing where I judge whether or not he’s good enough for me.  Let’s be honest here; no one is good enough for me.  Kidding!  Just joshing, my friends.  It’s just that I can instinctively tell when there is something that I’m intrinsically drawn to within a person.  Sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not.  But forcing a chemistry that’s not there is something I want no part of.  We can save that rant for another time.

What my point is in all of this, is that I’ve always valued having platonic friendships with guys.  The kind of insight you get from a guy, whether they know it or not, is astounding.  They just think so differently that it makes sense why it’s always a love/hate relationship with the opposite sex.  Girlfriends always have good advice, or at least someone who can relate to whatever you’re bitching about, but a guy’s point of view is invaluable.  Like it’s coming from another species that lives in a completely different reality.  It’s something to learn from.  And that is why I would like to keep the majority of of these guys in my good graces.  As friends.  Not more.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 3:01 pm and is filed under Photography, iDate. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.