I have issues with tourist attractions. I hate the Disney World-like lines. I hate the fashion-challenged crowds decked out in mid-calf socks and running sneakers, Hawaiian-print shirts, and cameras hanging around their necks waiting their turn to get the generic “look-at-me-I-have-proof-I-was-here-at-this-place-so-far-away” photo only to speed off to the next destination to do the [...]

On our trip to the zoo, my Aunt Lynn was all excited that you could feed the birds and they’d come right over and hang out on your arm. And I was all, “I don’t trust those things, they’re spastic and poop everywhere.”

Sure enough, once one got wind that the nice lady was feeding [...]